Linux Story

Windows is a Pile of Crap

First, it doesn’t install right — It wrote over my boot loader with some crap-encrusted near-sighted Windows-Only thing. It’s useless, how do I access Linux with this? So I needed to boot with a forensic Linux disk and reconstruct a less-than-useless bootloader: Grub

There goes about half an hour.

Then it has to download all the retarded updates. I’m not bothered by the fact that it needs to be updated, I’m bothered by all the restarting. I mean, why do I need to restart the computer when I’m just updating something puny like the graphics engine. Why not restart the graphics engine, instead of EVERYTHING.

There goes about 2 hours.

Then I have to disable all the stupid shit. The graphical theme, the indexing service, the this and that and everything else. Why aren’t these nuisances a default-off option during install? That way, you could select the ways you wanted to slow down your computer.

There goes about 2 hours.

Then I have to find, install and configure all the programs I want, and replace some of the crappy included programs Windows comes with. You know, notepad. I want a general file editor, not a restricted one-format-only editor that can’t handle 90% of the text files I deal with. I need to go and PURCHASE software, so that my computer isn’t useless. I just paid to have the box, then I pay to be able to turn it on, now I have to pay again to make any use of it? Excuse me if I roll my eyes.

So of course, I go to SourceForge and download some of the programs I need. Then I pirate the rest of the non-free stuff, because I don’t have $200,000 to spend every time I need to reinstall Windows. And I’m not using any of the software to make money.

Here’s something that bugs me: Sometimes I need to reboot the entire computer after I install something.

There goes about a week.

And now stuff starts to fuck up.

Nobody can access my services. Seems the firewall I disabled is now active again. Re-disable that, because I have a Linux firewall.

Programs start crashing. Drivers are missing. Files go missing. What the hell? Are there little filesystem gnomes that are manipulating my data? This is not acceptable.

And viruses, spyware, malware, bloatware… It’s an ocean of evil scumware trying to sink my tiny canoe. Fortunately, I have a firewall that doesn’t suck, and enough anti-crapware utilities to make your average PC-Repair shop raise an eyebrow.

Then I get to thinking: Why do I still use Windows? I mean, I have 4 computers turned on at all times, and 3 of them are running Linux. Those three machines haven’t been rebooted in over 100 days; the last power failure. They don’t have antivirus programs, they don’t have firewalls, they don’t have spyware removal tools, they don’t crash, they’re faster, they’re easier to use….

Why do I insist that my main work machine have Windows? And you know what? I can’t find an answer.

I tried to install another piece of software. Of course, I needed to reboot the machine, AGAIN! But something went wrong… It doesn’t present me with the beautiful blue login screen.

Logically, I figure it’s just a hiccup.. So I reboot. And reboot. And reboot. I reboot into safe mode. I restore my last known good configuration. I reboot. I restore critical system files. I reboot. I can’t login. Maybe it’s a hardware problem, so I boot a Forensic Linux disk.

Nothing is wrong, according to Linux. I scan my Windows disk for errors. Nothing wrong. As far as any software can tell, nothing is wrong.

But Windows can’t give me a desktop.

Now I know a shitload about computers. The problem with knowing super-huge amounts of information, is sifting through it all. My fault-trees are enormous, and I don’t want to spend one more day trying to fix an operating system I should have abandoned years ago.

So I insert a CD. The CD has “Ubuntu” printed on it. I know what that word means, but it has a new meaning for me: Solution.

All of a sudden, I have a desktop. I can open my files, I can play my music, I can watch my movies, I can surf the Internet, I can chat with friends…

And I didn’t install anything. I didn’t buy anything, I didn’t configure anything, I didn’t need to do anything. I just put the CD in the computer, turned it on, selected English and everything works.

Nothing is crashing. Nothing is rebooting. I don’t need to find and download and configure any crappy applications. I just click and shit happens. I’m not talking about the bad shit; good shit is happening.

Well, bye-bye Windows. You’re like the parasitic friend that I finally got rid of. I feel lighter. I’m working faster. I’m definitely not rebooting.

I installed Ubuntu. It noticed I have Windows XP, and lets me decide if I want to boot that instead of Linux. Of course, even if I did select Windows, I would be stuck at a black screen of nothingness. Because Windows is useless. It’s expensive, tacky, imitation gimmickry. It’s vaporware. It’s for people who can’t figure out how to use a computer. It’s insecure, unreliable, bloated, slow, mocking, featureless, and inefficient. But it does have pretty colors and shiny blinky things.. and so does Linux, if I want that.

I’m not on a frustration-fueled rant. I’m calm, cool and collected. I’ve analyzed the situation, I’ve considered the costs and benefits, and I’ve test driven the solutions. It’s a no-brainer; either work, or get frustrated. I don’t have time for frustration. I don’t have time to fuck around with rinky-dink play-dough flaky-beta-prototype applications. I need robust, reliable, secure, enterprise-worthy, military-grade solutions to simple problems.

If the solution were communication, Windows is smoke-signals, drawn on post-it notes, attached to a clothes-line on a rainy day, and Linux is like telepathy with optional encryption in case I think-talk to the wrong person. I don’t think I can illustrate the obviousness any better than that.

Windows is the carny, screaming about how easy it is to throw the 3-inch ball through the 2-inch hoop and win the fabulous big prize made by a 7-year old dying of starvation in Nigeria. But you need to win 137 small prizes to trade for the big prize. And it costs $5 for three attempts at a small prize.

Linux is the guy handing out free cars, with a guarantee that expires when the sun explodes. And it comes with it’s own mechanic and engineer. It doesn’t need fuel, it can fly, pull an infinite load and fit an infinite number of passengers and get anywhere in zero seconds. It comes in any color and design you want. It will make you dinner, improve your sex life and train your dog to do anything. It will help you lose weight while you sleep. There’s an included pistol, in case you need to go hunting carnies, and the cup-holder actually fits all sizes.

I’ve made my decision.

Until next time,


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